The Chain-Smoking Chairman That Could

(Names of persons and companies have been changed to protect the innocent...well, to protect ME in case any of the people at the companies mentioned ever google their names/company names and find this!)

I walked in almost an hour early. With blistered feet, I sat gulping a cup of coffee, which I later regretted terribly. Not only does caffeine make me jittery (more jittery than usual), but I must have the bladder of a grandma, because I can hardly contain myself after a little 4 oz. cup. Anyhow, I waited out the hour feeling like I might explode--in more ways than one. I felt like a 15 year old girl about to go on her first date (which is funny, since I never dated at that age, so I am not even really sure what that feels like at all). The only difference was that my date was with the chairman of Ad Amsterdam.

Let's just say that visions of mini-strokes danced in my head as I was finally escorted to his office. Greeted with nothing but a handshake, I had a feeling that personality wasn't this man's selling point. (I sure hope he never reads this!) So we sat, and he stared, and I blabbered on about god only knows what. And as if it's not bad enough to have me a nervous wreck sitting opposite a stump (did you know I talk even more when I am nervous?), the stump lit up a stogie and began puffing away like the little engine that could! Didn't he realize that I am young and broke and don't care to dry clean a suit after wearing it to one little interview?! I mean, it doesn't appear that the Netherlands has discovered Febreeze yet, so you can imagine my distress. Not to mention the fact that I have been struggling with a gnarly cold and a body rash that I didn't think would be bettered by sitting in a cigar sauna for an hour. Oh, boy. It was going to be fun, I could tell.

So Smokey just kept staring and puffing like he hadn't a care in the world, while I sat there uncomfortably chatting about the difficulties of learning Dutch. Great. You'd think I'd never been in contact with humans before. Seriously, each time he asked me a question, I totally blanked. When he asked my age, I am surprised I didn't have to stop and think about it! Maybe it's because he asked me all of the questions I have never been asked before, such as what is my salary indication? Salary? I am just out of college. The concept of getting paid is exciting enough that I haven't really thought about setting my own range. I didn't think I was allowed to open the bidding with my own amount; I just figured it started at zero, and the employer took over from there.

Then, he says, "You come to me with very high recommendations. Do you know what was said about you?" So I told him I didn't. How would I? I only knew that my former supervisor, AKA: my favorite person on Earth, had emailed my info to this guy in NY, who then sent it to Smokey. So Smokey hands me the email sand says "Read it and tell me if they're correct." Now, I must say, it was nice to see that my work at Ad Los Angeles was approved of. Reading the rec was the only time throughout that hellish period of my life in Smokey's office that I actually smiled, cheesily reminiscing of my glorious days at Ad LA. I think I may have even said aloud, "Oh, I love my old boss. How nice. I wish I could have packed him up and brought him to the Netherlands." Yeah, I am totally sure Smokey dug that comment. Anyhow, while reading, I sneaked a peek at the signatures, and I noticed that this NY person is some hot-shot for Ad North America! No wonder I am having a meeting with the chairman! He must think I am some 22 year old prodigy or something. Then to receive a blubbering idiot like me, he must have really been in shock.

Anyhow, he outlined my options, which sounded alright to me, I showed him some samples, and we parted ways. I will say I was persistent in tapping this man's emotional vault, and in the end, I won. I had brought him a box of See's candies as a thank you for taking the time to meet with me. You see, everyone at Ad Amsterdam had made it very clear that there was no possibility of a job there, so I was under the impression that Smokey was just going to redirect me to a new location. So I said, "This is by no means bribery, as I thought I had no possibility of a job here...(blah blah blah)...so don't think I am trying to bribe you." And he said, "Oh, I will take it as bribery," and smiled. Yes! Score one for me...which by no means evened the cards. He still came out on top.

Anyhow, the point is that I felt like poop after, but I got an email the next day from the chairman of another agency in Amsterdam that I am VERY interested in being a part of. So I meet with him next Thursday. Hopefully I can maintain some form of composure and retain a sense of dignity this time. We'll see.